Friday, May 27, 2005
♥ 1:14 AM
... Damn... now it feels like a small kid row... hahaha... im not sure this might work... im not even sure that this should be done at all... cos its as if im digging myself quicker into quicksand... but ill give it a last shot...
Xiaoming... can you calmly "listen" to this if you are reading this blog... few points i have to clarify...
1) I do not think that you are a nobody, a loser or that you're lousy... cos if you are, i wont even be bothered to try this last time to explain to you...
2) I do treasure your company... and the fact that you are also one of my impt friend... which is why im still writing this entry...
3) Im not questioning your maturity... im just saying that you behave your age... that's all... Believe me.. i was 17 years old once before... and my age gap with you is ten years...
4) My entry was NEVER NEVER meant to hurt you... its just an explaination for my closeness with xiaobai... which im starting to doubt now whether i should even have posted it in the first place...
5) Clarification a 17 years old who thinks like a 17 years old to me a 26 years old.. are really a kid...
The reason why im still trying so hard to explain to you is because i feel that there is a need to explain to you... cos i do not want to cause you the angst that you felt in your blog... Im not discriminating against you...
*at a loss for words* ...
See.. for friends.. there are many diff levels of friends.. Some you will feel closer to... some you will not feel that connected with... but both types you will still want to remain as friends... For example... in the company, the closest person to me is Tracy, cos she understands my thoughts... she listens to what i say... and she analyses the pro and cons for me... Naturally i feel closer to her... Then there is Pris... Pris is a fantastic person... she's loyal... nice... but i just dun tell her the same stuff as i tell tracy... not cos she has any personality flaws... or that she's too small or unimpt to me... its just that we dun feel that connected... me and pris can still go out for dinner together... chat about things... but she's someone i dun tell my problems to... definitely not cos i discriminate her... i just dun click.. that's all... But both Tracy and Pris are my friends... just that one is closer to me compared to the other....
I think the same thing here applies to XB and you... If i cause you hurt.. i apologise.. cos that was never my intention.. My intention to write that in my blog.. was just to clarify.. cos i saw in your previous entry ... about you saying that you will never be as impt or as popular as XB.... The problem is.. why must you compare???? There is no need for such comparisons.. the both of you are entirely different... with two different sets of personalities and characteristics... which is why you two are friends for such a long time.. cos you complement each other.... He's more quiet, while you are always on the go... he's calm while you tend to like being in the action... he's reserved while u tend to be more forward with what you are thinking... You are the direct opposite of each other... which is why the two of you can click so well...
Similarly for me and XB... not that we are the best of friends... but when i get angry... he can calm me down... when i feel stressed.. he will tell me to relax... when i need to talk, he just sits down quietly and listens... We are also very different from each other... which is maybe why we click better i guess... Opposite attracts i guess...
Why im saying so much... and what im hoping that you can understand is... I care about you and XB in the same way... you are both like my younger brothers... I may feel closer to XB but that does not mean that i do not care about you... or that you are small and unimpt in my eyes... Similarly i will want to remain in contacts with you... as im remaining in contact with XB... its just that this Sandrian thing...it got us started on the wrong foot... cos i feel as if i have a right to know.. and that if it concerns me... you should at least let me know about it... But if its your wish to keep it mum.. then that's that.... I wont probe...
Dont take everything so negatively... or personally... Sometimes its not about you at all... sometimes its just about other things that cannot be explained by words... You're a nice person... but sometimes u feel too lowly about yourself.. and feels that the whole world is against you... maybe that's not how it is.. but only how you want to look at it...
... I have nothing more to explain.... if this still doesnt work... i dun noe what else i can do...
Once again, im sorry if i hurt you in any way.. which was never my intentions...
♥♥♥
